Fix You
by dempseybaby08
Summary: MD , It's right after Crash Into Me Pt2, and the rose kiss.
1. Chapter 1

"So, right after you confessed your undying love for him, you walk away ..not let him say anything .. you just walk away."

"Yeah." Meredith replied.

"Your an idiot."

Meredith narrowed her green eyes in Christina's direction. "Christina.."

"Speaking of the devil.." Christina muttered.

Meredith whipped around. "Where?"

Derek was leaning, wearing his mcdreamy smile, against the nurses station. He was laughing, clearly at something one of the nurses said. Meredith tensed.

She had brown hair, and she was akward looking, with eyes that nearly bugged out of her face. She was ugly, but yet she was really beautiful. She didn't looked dark and twisty at all. Sort of the anti Meredith.

Meredith froze. He was supposed to wait. He wasn't supposeded to do the flirting, the laughing, with anyone else but her. She had told him she didn't want him dating other people. It all rushed back to her now.

She remember telling him not to say anything, that he could say things tomorrow ... Crap. It was technically...tomorrow.

"Drinks later?" She asked him. She was flirting, in a very obvious high school kind of way. It made Meredith sick. She loathed girls like that..most likely because they were happy and she.. wasn't.

He nodded. "Sure." He looked generally interested. The thought of her mcdreamy generally interested in another girl made her want to heave that cold pizza she grabbed for breakfast on the way in.

Meredith dropped her chart she was holding, in a loud clang. She really didn't care that half the hospital turned and stared. She held her composure as best she could focusing her attention on her shoes she put one foot in front of the other, and slowly walked down the hall.

"Meredith? Christina asked. "Where are you..."

She ignored her. She didn't want to talk to anyone.

_i'm scared as hell to want you, but here i am..wanting you anyway_

She ducked into the nearest supply closet. She started pacing and her breathing became eratic.

_You're staying with her - She's my wife_

_I met a girl in a bar last night_

_I'm walking away_

_This thing with us is finished, it's over - _

"I can't." She whispered. "He doesn't.."

_I don't know if I wanna keep breathing for you_

Tears escaped, and she couldn't hold them in anyone.

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"Excuse me.." Christina pushed aside the akward looking nurse and grabbed hold of Dereks muscular forearm.

"Yang?" He asked, a little taken back.

"Shut up." She said simply.

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A stream of light flowed through the room. Christina practically pushed him in.

"Mcass."

Meredith immediately stopped pacing. She bit her lip as hard as she could. She didn't want to talk to him, but it was time. Tomorrow..had come.

"Meredith we..."

"Need to talk, i know." Meredith said, almost inaudibly.

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"I kissed Rose."

"Who?" Meredith asked. _Rose? Who in the world..._

"The nurse...the brown haired ..." _Nurse girl. Akward nurse girl. Perfect._

"Oh."

"Oh?" Derek looked at Meredith. She was eerily calm about all of this. "Your fine?"

"I'm always fine, Derek." She said bitterly. "If you haven't noticed."

Derek stopped. He looked at ground.

"I still love you, Meredith. I .. uh. Made house plans. Dream house plans. I wanted you to be included..since your the.." His tone was weak, defeated even.

"Don't Derek. Don't say i'm the love of you're life. Just don't!" Meredith snapped. "Because if you loved me, as much as you say you do in all those contradicting fucking speeches, you would have waited!" Meredith was crying now. But, she continued, in gasps, anyway. "Do you, honestly, Derek, think that I enjoyed just sex? I was working. I was trying. To get ready, as best as i knew how. I held on, and did the s and m because I needed a piece of you. I needed that little bit. It wasn't about the sex, it was those moments afterward. The rest of the world would fade away, and it was just us, together. It hurt to kick you out, and I'm sorry. But Derek I needed to fix me, and if we were together, I'd be fixing myself for you. And, I can't..I wouldn't..No. I just, I needed to make sure, when I was ready, when I was getting ready it wasn't all for you. That you weren't changing me." Meredith sighed.

"You kissed another girl. You said you'd wait! I know not forever..but It'd been weeks Derek, only weeks ..When your wife showed up.."

"Meredith .."

"No, let me finish. When your wife showed up, I begged for you to love me, you picked her. You called me a whore, when I tried to move on. We had adulterous sex at prom. You told me you were in love with me. I picked you and you walked away. You want to start over. You say you'll always show up and then you don't. I drown. You become absent. You say you don 't want to breathe for me when I never even asked you to breathe for me. I wanted us to breathe together. we become friends with benefits ..you kiss rose... You've been pushing me to get ready..pushing me.. and all the while saying everything I want to hear, but doing the opposite. I can't trust you anymore."


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm sorry Mer ..."

"I can't trust you, I just..I can't. but..I love you, so much it scares me. The speech, the speech you gave me in the locker room. You said I'm constantly leaving you.. well guess what? You constantly leave me too, Derek. And I know Rose can give you everything you want, right now and I can't and that's really frustrating..but you know my past, you know i haven't...had it the ...easiest. I'm damaged goods, and if you knew that before you met you probably never would have started anything and I don't want this to be a pick me thing between me and Rose, but ..i'm rambling and I love you..and I'm not sure how the hell you feel right now..about me, about us.. but I know how i feel .."


	3. Chapter 3

"That night..." He said lost in thought. "when you told me you loved me..with the cheesecake, and radios..do you remember that?"

Meredith nodded slowly.

"That night, you also asked me if I was staying with her.." He laughed sardonically. "I'll regret that, everyday." He moved in a little closer. "Want the truth? I'm not the better guy. I thought I was being noble, picking Addison..trying..Really though? I wasn't trying. I was so in love with you..there was no..I was so in love you..And hell, I knew from the start I wouldn't give Addison a fair shot, because my heart was already taken. Every person in that hospital, including Addison knew that.. " He smiled subtly. "Meredith?"

"What?"

"I'm in love with you.." She smiled as soon as she heard that. He had said that, once before, and she was crying then too. "I've been in love with you for..ever"


End file.
